Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
