What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
