I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
