You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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