I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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