Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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