why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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