i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize