So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
