A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
