I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize