and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
