I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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