The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize