I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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