just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
