Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
