I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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