I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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