Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
