Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
