I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I lost the right to judge tonight
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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