if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
