well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
cat food counts as protein by the way
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
