whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who died my cat blue again?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
