I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
God, I missed his penis.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize