Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
