My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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