oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
why is half of my head shaved?
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