He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
