see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
not ubering you a puppy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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