i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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