that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
