Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
