Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
