go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
