I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
...so i touched it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
