You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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