don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So many bounce houses so little time
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize