It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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