I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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