He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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