YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
