North Korea, Best Korea!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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