If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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