i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
