i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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