Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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