Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize