I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
