I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
