It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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