I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Can I color on your dick again?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
