Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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