Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
