She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize