My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
