Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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