I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
