omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
