Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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