Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize